Want in one hand and work in the other...

Life from the top of the brain - Dr. Crawford

There are those moments for everyone when frustration about the current circumstances gets the best of us. It's those moments when our reality is far from our expectations, and we begin to re-consider whether or not it's worth the pursuit. The pain of moments like this only discombobulate us all the more when we compare ourselves to other personal and professional peers; as if the context of both situations are somehow the same. Whether or not you are currently encountering one of these moments, let's be reminded that the feeling that comes along during times of doubt is in actuality your future knocking.

For some, this stuck in the mud feeling can be the edge of depression, and for others it can be anger. But for us all, it is a crucible moment to decide if we will wade deeper into achieving our worthy goals, or if we will defer them to never. My father reminded me recently about a saying that helped him lean into the reality of the here and now when times became harder than he'd like; which is "Want in one hand, and work in the other...then look and see which one begins to fill up first."

Our want is the intrinsic motivation that compels us to create and move. Yet, like any good intrinsic motivator, our want is rooted in emotion. Emotion is always the spark that ignites the fire, but if not managed properly with productive action, that same spark could be the culprit that burns down the house. Emotional intelligence research tells us that our emotions can work against us when situations appear over-whelming.  Instead of inspiring us to productive activities, our Limbic System may compel us into a closed loop of anxiety since our situational sense of coherence feels lost (See image above).

If you find yourself stuck in a moment, remember that just like when you check your location on a map in a mall directory, action is the next step once you've discovered the dot that states YOU ARE HERE.  Re-assess your situation and then begin to incrementally move forward with intentional and practical productivity.

Now I know that moving forward is easier said than done, because in those times of frustrated want, moving forward can feel like your pushing a boulder up a hill.  When you come upon this juncture, it matters most to just manage the moment instead of trying to hit the home run. A suggestion for moving forward is to try prescribing yourself one of the following seven essential mental activities. In doing so, you'll have a better shot at re-igniting the work compliment to your want.

  The seven essential mental activities: 

• Focus Time. When we closely focus on tasks in a goal-oriented way, taking on challenges that make deep connections in the brain. 
• Play Time. When we allow ourselves to be spontaneous or creative, playfully enjoying novel experiences, which helps make new connections in the brain. 
• Connecting Time. When we connect with other people, ideally in person, richly activating the brain's social circuitry. 
• Physical Time. When we move our bodies, aerobically if possible, which strengthens the brain in many ways. 
• Time In. When we quietly reflect internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings and thoughts, helping to better integrate the brain. 
• Down Time. When we are non-focused, without any specific goal, and let our mind wander or simply relax, which helps our brain recharge. 
• Sleep Time. When we give the brain the rest it needs to consolidate learning and recover from the experiences of the day.  

Seven Essential Mental Activities by Dr. David Rock, executive director of the NeuroLeadership Institute and Dr. Daniel Siegel, executive director of the Mindsight Institute and clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine.(2011)

The Locker Room

After the crowds empty the bleachers, and only silence remains, there is an mental echo of inclusion that once bonded kindred spirits. For some who have played team sports, their memories of their playing days have less to do with the actual games and more to do with their locker room camaraderie.  The memories remind players of a time when they once belonged. Times when they would walk into the facility after a practice with a feeling of total exhaustion. The coach provided the love/hate motivation that made the collective group feel satisfied for having fulfilled a work load that alone they would have never attempted. The locker room is an atmosphere that substantiates meaningful connections for all who have endured physical trials that at one time or another, brought everyone in that room to the edge; when quitting made more sense than persevering.   Despite the depth chart, peer respect remains, since having seen each other at their worst the fact prevails that everyone puts on the same jersey.  Coming out of the tunnel, you and your fellow teammates are one, because together you have experienced much. The locker room gave the athlete the community retreat to make sense of it all.  When the playing days end, the social support systems aren't so easily identified, and we all move on to achieve our existence instead of connecting with it.  In the back of our mind a fading hope lingers that the next achievement will create that meaning we want.  All the while, research supports that when life takes us beyond our sense of coherence, in actuality it's the anchors of community that gives us the motivation to carry on.  Are you losing ground in this area?

On the surface, one would assume that today we are more connected than ever due to the dramatic rise of technology and social networking. It isn't so. Communication transactions may be on the rise, but emotional and social intimacy is on the steep decline. The crowd may be growing all around you, but the feeling of being alone is all the more prevalent, like tear drops in the rain.

A validity of life is essential.  Yet, what many strive to find in achievement, in actuality we find with more frequency among the constellation of meaningful connections in our life (Kahn, 2007). While connection is skyrocketing, it is the meaningful piece that evades us.  Sherry Turkle, discusses this phenomenon in her latest TED talk titled Connected, But Alone? See below.  In the presentation, Sherry discusses how our smart phones and online persona's are redefining human connections to a fault. "As we expect more from technology, do we expect less from each other?" Sherry also asks us to "think deeply about the new kinds of connection we want to have."

Whether it be a family, a social club, an intimate relationship, support group, work based, or a church; The metaphorical locker room is a place that we all still need in order to experience our authentic selves.  This is a place where genuine humanity is appreciated far above transactional exploits. Even more, it's a place where followers, stats, and tags will never replace the inherent need for human intimacy.  In the fast pace of life, risk being engaged in community, because you will always need a place where the true you can be at ease and transparent.  In doing so, to your relief you will discover that no one has it "all together" and that your hard times are similarly shared by others all around you.  What you feel isn't unique to you. You aren't alone.

Win Today!

Victor

Brain training...Finding focus amongst the distractions

Brain Neurons

Every now and then, I carpool with a friend of mine.  When we do, I usually pick him up at 7:30 am in front of the Starbucks off the freeway.  Last week, I happened to arrive 5 minutes late.  In my friend's haste to multi-task a coffee in one hand and a live call coming through the cell phone in his other, when 7:30 am came, he mistook another person's car for mine.  We both shared a good laugh after he told me that he actually attempted to get into the stranger's car while on his cell phone.  The driver of the vehicle was taken back as my friend kept trying to open the locked handle with frustration. Racing through his mind were thoughts of "Why won't Vic open the door for me?" "Can't he see my hands are full?!"  To his credit, the wrong vehicle was of similar make, model and color, but similarities only go so far.  The driver of the other car was a good sport about it all while my friend explained his mental fumble. 

 The world moves at a fast pace.  As technology advances so does the expectation for our own ability to keep up with the fire hose information flow.  Your attention is always on call and in demand.  If not careful, the implications of each moment could misrepresent your good intentions.  Managing the moment isn't a new phenomenon, it's just that we live in a day and age whereby the value of the moment is inflated in relation to the pace at which we move.  Business transactions are global, and the market is always open somewhere.  Yet, no matter how confident we believe we are with our ability to multi-task, a recent finding called the "Cocktail effect" suggests otherwise.

As a matter of survival, when distractions are all around us, we only have the ability to focus in on one thing.  Our selective attention described by the cocktail effect, infers that we are limited to one constructive objective with each moment.  Consequently, our ability to discern what matters most with each moment becomes all that more valuable.  Some may feel like they do just fine with being decisive in a fast paced world, but just moving things along to check a to do list can be even more disastrous then doing nothing at all.  Activity for activity's sake often overlooks the big picture and just leans upon personal biases.  Take a step back and ask yourself "Do I have all of the information for that moment?" Maybe, maybe not. Fortunately, our brains can  adapt to this 21st century phenomenon.  However,  requirements for maximizing the moment is a skill that requires incremental training.

Similar to the an athlete taking the next step up in levels, the brain can learn to adapt to the pace of information if in fact it is being trained properly. When an athlete moves up, their performance is limited in relation to the learning curve it takes to get used to the advanced speed of the game. The jump from high school to college may be fundamentally the same schematic load, but the speed at which a player processes the information exponentially increases as the athletic mean of the competition increases. First experiences for a newcomer to college athletics can make them feel like a squirrel trying to cross the freeway.  Eventually, given time and experience, the game appears to slow down for the newcomer.  Now we all know the game didn't compassionately slow down to accommodate, in actuality the newcomer adapted by becoming faster!  By embracing the challenge, the athlete competed with focus and attention in the moments that were presented, since they refused to be left behind.

While we can all agree that training and athletics go hand in hand, it begs the question "Why do we feel intruded upon when the game of life takes us to a new level?" Instead of leaving your personal and professional moments to chance, take an approach to lean into your new limitations.  As an athlete makes training a norm for their weekly schedule, we too can benefit from a daily regiment of mental training.  A great tool that I recently found is Lumosity.  Lumosity is a mental training website that provides me with exercises that help to train my moment by moment strategic awareness.  Thus far, I've found their prescribed training methods to be fun and challenging as they take me through a variety of mental awareness puzzles and games.  I hate to sound like an add, but in my brief time of using their service, the mental training is making the game of life is appear to slow down for me.  My daily challenges haven't left me, but the intentionality is making me more aware of the flavor and value of the moment.  I will be sure to suggest the site to my commuter friend so that he can excel in his next Cocktail Effect moment.  (Below is a video discussing the findings of the Cocktail Effect.)

Win Today!

Victor