This morning I came across an emotional intelligence news feed about a new book written by Anthony T. DeBenedet M.D. and Lawrence J. Cohen Ph.D. advocating roughhousing as a vital component to the E.I. and social development of children. The book is titled
"The Art of Roughhousing: Good Ole-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It," (Quirk, May 2011). In light of all the current educational budget debates, Benedet and Cohen take the position that classes like gym and P.E. should be taken off the chopping block and put back on the critical to quality priority list. Moreover, they suggest that the innate need for physical roughhousing is being substituted by potentially more adverse risk in that of virtual roughhousing, i.e. video games.
The reviews that I've read are intriguing and may even call to question the standards by which my generation of parents have been titled (aka "The helicopter parents"). As a dad, I for one am guilty of erroring on the side of over-protection. To my defense, I am so blessed to be called their "Dad," and for that, they in return make up the highest of priorities in my life. At the end of the day, when I take account of my Win Today scorecard, I want to be able to say that my parental responsibilities were successful. With that said, its books like this that make me have to check my own
vantage point and review if my parental practices are best for my kids' own win today development.
While life experience benefits me the knowledge of potential dangers, this book reminds me that winning today isn't about having everything in complete order or control. Not possible! We are human beings. Our life consists of growing, falling, growing, falling, growing. Discovering and experiencing the richness of emotion that at times comes through risk. It's at those peak moments, when we do have full control, that we can often be at are very worst. Even more, at those times in the valley when we do fall, we may perceive it as such an injustice that we quit all hope and respond with dysfunction. Allowing for the rough and tumble interactions that the book prescribes may in fact cause a few tears from the bumps and bruises, but in the end, the behavior nurtured by living in a bubble could become even more detrimental. Let's be honest, every great success story is characterized by risk and unknown (Loyd Dobler, 1989). Without risk, there is no reward. Without pain, there is no pleasure. Winning today is not about earning the perfect life, but rather about living a full day of faithfulness to our responsibilities by appropriately working, loving, resisting, laughing, communicating, responding, planning, confronting, organizing, collaborating, and forgiving. Lastly, at the end of the day, it is a matter of being humble enough to check yourself when you missed on a moment. Having everything under control is a fools paradise.
I'm not sure if I'm all in with the roughhousing thing, but I am willing to pull down some of the bubble wrap that's stapled to the walls of my house. The timeliness of this book is perfect for me since my oldest (9yrs) just joined a free wrestling club at the local high school. He is really enjoying it, and I am also seeing how his E.I. is being developed since the club experience has presented him with some new physical and challenging social settings. Most of all, its worth it when I see him smile as he and his friends roughhouse on the mats.
Win Today!
Victor
