Playing hurt...Don't get sidelined by a bruised ego. Part 2

The essence of effective leadership can be summed up as the ability to create perceived provisions of beneficial direction and solutions for the greater good of the mission. To do so, followers must believe their leader to be trustworthy. Nevertheless, trust equity never gets credited when the game is in hand. Trust can only be built when challenges arise, otherwise there is no need for your leadership.  How you handle your own emotional hurt when the challenges arise, will determine the ceiling of success for your group.

Playing hurt as a leader begins by understanding your own susceptibility to being emotionally hijacked. Emotions fuel immediate action.  However, immediate action by a hi-stake leader more often than not can leave a great deal of collateral damage.  When threats arise, the leader must learn to manage his/her own defense mechanisms which seek to serve self.  By doing so, a leader sets themselves up to demonstrate that go-to ability the group needs for mission execution.

The next time your ego takes a hit and would prefer the bench instead of the battle, try regaining your competitive edge by following these 4 steps to stay off the emotional stretcher.

1. Stop - Stop and review what just happened.  Unless you are in a physical threatening situation, you have time. You don't need to react immediately. Doing so will keep your neocortex (thinking part of the brain) engaged in order to slow down the emotional hijack.


2. Oxygenate - Breathe. Growing up we were always told to breathe and count to ten.  Breathing deeply will further engage the neocortex.

3. Appreciate - Mirroring neurons often serve to replicate the behavior of the threat. By doing so, you can by default become a thermometer instead of a thermostat. By appreciating the other side of the table even the least bit, you alleviate the combative element and activate some empathy for the perceived threat's position. It doesn't mean you agree, it just means you are able to operate from a more strategic vantage point.

4. Survey the landscape and focus on the facts - The military has an after the fact exercise that they call an After Action Review (AAR). By being able to review the scenario that triggered the hijack, you can then retrain you emotional toughness. The review helps you identify what triggered you and become more familiar with trigger situations in general.  As your training progresses, you will be perceived more and more as the leader that is calm under pressure.

At the end of the day, the bottom line is what most leaders will be judged by. Yet, what produces that bottom line is the very human followership that counts on you to stay in the game and provide the winning game plan.

4 steps are adapted from Sport New Zealand's ideas for game management.