Playing hurt...Don't get sidelined by a bruised ego. Part 2

The essence of effective leadership can be summed up as the ability to create perceived provisions of beneficial direction and solutions for the greater good of the mission. To do so, followers must believe their leader to be trustworthy. Nevertheless, trust equity never gets credited when the game is in hand. Trust can only be built when challenges arise, otherwise there is no need for your leadership.  How you handle your own emotional hurt when the challenges arise, will determine the ceiling of success for your group.

Playing hurt as a leader begins by understanding your own susceptibility to being emotionally hijacked. Emotions fuel immediate action.  However, immediate action by a hi-stake leader more often than not can leave a great deal of collateral damage.  When threats arise, the leader must learn to manage his/her own defense mechanisms which seek to serve self.  By doing so, a leader sets themselves up to demonstrate that go-to ability the group needs for mission execution.

The next time your ego takes a hit and would prefer the bench instead of the battle, try regaining your competitive edge by following these 4 steps to stay off the emotional stretcher.

1. Stop - Stop and review what just happened.  Unless you are in a physical threatening situation, you have time. You don't need to react immediately. Doing so will keep your neocortex (thinking part of the brain) engaged in order to slow down the emotional hijack.


2. Oxygenate - Breathe. Growing up we were always told to breathe and count to ten.  Breathing deeply will further engage the neocortex.

3. Appreciate - Mirroring neurons often serve to replicate the behavior of the threat. By doing so, you can by default become a thermometer instead of a thermostat. By appreciating the other side of the table even the least bit, you alleviate the combative element and activate some empathy for the perceived threat's position. It doesn't mean you agree, it just means you are able to operate from a more strategic vantage point.

4. Survey the landscape and focus on the facts - The military has an after the fact exercise that they call an After Action Review (AAR). By being able to review the scenario that triggered the hijack, you can then retrain you emotional toughness. The review helps you identify what triggered you and become more familiar with trigger situations in general.  As your training progresses, you will be perceived more and more as the leader that is calm under pressure.

At the end of the day, the bottom line is what most leaders will be judged by. Yet, what produces that bottom line is the very human followership that counts on you to stay in the game and provide the winning game plan.

4 steps are adapted from Sport New Zealand's ideas for game management.

Playing Hurt...Don't get sidelined by a bruised ego. Part 1

Kirk Gibson 1988 World Series home run

Athletic heroics are often tied to scenarios whereby a leader of a team refuses to give in to a physical hurt for the chance to keep competing.  Forgoing the bench, the hero plays through the pain that is all too common with competing at a high level. We often cite this as the ability to play hurt.  Injury mandates that a player is sidelined to prevent any additional harm.  "Hurt," on the other hand, calls into question the mental toughness of an athlete's ability to play through the inevitable twists, bumps, and bruises that come with the territory.  For leaders, ego twists, bumps, and bruises come with the territory when you are the tip of the spear. The cares and critiques of multiple stakeholders are constantly orbiting your day, and will call into question your ability to "play hurt."

Decisive moments are happening all day, everyday. In those moments, your ego will take a few knocks that can undermine your best impression management efforts.  Like the athlete refusing to allow a twisted ankle to keep them on the bench, all leaders must come to grip with their ego toughness.  If your day doesn't involve any such challenges, then you are most likely a manager instead of a leader.

Make no mistake, the athlete jumping back into the game is feeling discomfort.  However, instead of bowing out, he puts his own feelings aside for the mission's sake. This issue is the crux of why over 70% of leaders fail or derail in their careers. The leaders being promoted today for success as a specialist, are falling for their lack of the interpersonal skills (toughness) to serve a mission instead of themselves. 

In the fast paced and competitive world of today, a leader's ability to play hurt emotionally is an ever appreciating asset.  Ego toughness will determine whether or not their attitude remains functional, or falls prey to the dysfunctional. Exponentially, the same will hold true for the attitude of the organization as they follow the leader. 

Win Today!

Victor

Want in one hand and work in the other...

Life from the top of the brain - Dr. Crawford

There are those moments for everyone when frustration about the current circumstances gets the best of us. It's those moments when our reality is far from our expectations, and we begin to re-consider whether or not it's worth the pursuit. The pain of moments like this only discombobulate us all the more when we compare ourselves to other personal and professional peers; as if the context of both situations are somehow the same. Whether or not you are currently encountering one of these moments, let's be reminded that the feeling that comes along during times of doubt is in actuality your future knocking.

For some, this stuck in the mud feeling can be the edge of depression, and for others it can be anger. But for us all, it is a crucible moment to decide if we will wade deeper into achieving our worthy goals, or if we will defer them to never. My father reminded me recently about a saying that helped him lean into the reality of the here and now when times became harder than he'd like; which is "Want in one hand, and work in the other...then look and see which one begins to fill up first."

Our want is the intrinsic motivation that compels us to create and move. Yet, like any good intrinsic motivator, our want is rooted in emotion. Emotion is always the spark that ignites the fire, but if not managed properly with productive action, that same spark could be the culprit that burns down the house. Emotional intelligence research tells us that our emotions can work against us when situations appear over-whelming.  Instead of inspiring us to productive activities, our Limbic System may compel us into a closed loop of anxiety since our situational sense of coherence feels lost (See image above).

If you find yourself stuck in a moment, remember that just like when you check your location on a map in a mall directory, action is the next step once you've discovered the dot that states YOU ARE HERE.  Re-assess your situation and then begin to incrementally move forward with intentional and practical productivity.

Now I know that moving forward is easier said than done, because in those times of frustrated want, moving forward can feel like your pushing a boulder up a hill.  When you come upon this juncture, it matters most to just manage the moment instead of trying to hit the home run. A suggestion for moving forward is to try prescribing yourself one of the following seven essential mental activities. In doing so, you'll have a better shot at re-igniting the work compliment to your want.

  The seven essential mental activities: 

• Focus Time. When we closely focus on tasks in a goal-oriented way, taking on challenges that make deep connections in the brain. 
• Play Time. When we allow ourselves to be spontaneous or creative, playfully enjoying novel experiences, which helps make new connections in the brain. 
• Connecting Time. When we connect with other people, ideally in person, richly activating the brain's social circuitry. 
• Physical Time. When we move our bodies, aerobically if possible, which strengthens the brain in many ways. 
• Time In. When we quietly reflect internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings and thoughts, helping to better integrate the brain. 
• Down Time. When we are non-focused, without any specific goal, and let our mind wander or simply relax, which helps our brain recharge. 
• Sleep Time. When we give the brain the rest it needs to consolidate learning and recover from the experiences of the day.  

Seven Essential Mental Activities by Dr. David Rock, executive director of the NeuroLeadership Institute and Dr. Daniel Siegel, executive director of the Mindsight Institute and clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine.(2011)

The Locker Room

After the crowds empty the bleachers, and only silence remains, there is an mental echo of inclusion that once bonded kindred spirits. For some who have played team sports, their memories of their playing days have less to do with the actual games and more to do with their locker room camaraderie.  The memories remind players of a time when they once belonged. Times when they would walk into the facility after a practice with a feeling of total exhaustion. The coach provided the love/hate motivation that made the collective group feel satisfied for having fulfilled a work load that alone they would have never attempted. The locker room is an atmosphere that substantiates meaningful connections for all who have endured physical trials that at one time or another, brought everyone in that room to the edge; when quitting made more sense than persevering.   Despite the depth chart, peer respect remains, since having seen each other at their worst the fact prevails that everyone puts on the same jersey.  Coming out of the tunnel, you and your fellow teammates are one, because together you have experienced much. The locker room gave the athlete the community retreat to make sense of it all.  When the playing days end, the social support systems aren't so easily identified, and we all move on to achieve our existence instead of connecting with it.  In the back of our mind a fading hope lingers that the next achievement will create that meaning we want.  All the while, research supports that when life takes us beyond our sense of coherence, in actuality it's the anchors of community that gives us the motivation to carry on.  Are you losing ground in this area?

On the surface, one would assume that today we are more connected than ever due to the dramatic rise of technology and social networking. It isn't so. Communication transactions may be on the rise, but emotional and social intimacy is on the steep decline. The crowd may be growing all around you, but the feeling of being alone is all the more prevalent, like tear drops in the rain.

A validity of life is essential.  Yet, what many strive to find in achievement, in actuality we find with more frequency among the constellation of meaningful connections in our life (Kahn, 2007). While connection is skyrocketing, it is the meaningful piece that evades us.  Sherry Turkle, discusses this phenomenon in her latest TED talk titled Connected, But Alone? See below.  In the presentation, Sherry discusses how our smart phones and online persona's are redefining human connections to a fault. "As we expect more from technology, do we expect less from each other?" Sherry also asks us to "think deeply about the new kinds of connection we want to have."

Whether it be a family, a social club, an intimate relationship, support group, work based, or a church; The metaphorical locker room is a place that we all still need in order to experience our authentic selves.  This is a place where genuine humanity is appreciated far above transactional exploits. Even more, it's a place where followers, stats, and tags will never replace the inherent need for human intimacy.  In the fast pace of life, risk being engaged in community, because you will always need a place where the true you can be at ease and transparent.  In doing so, to your relief you will discover that no one has it "all together" and that your hard times are similarly shared by others all around you.  What you feel isn't unique to you. You aren't alone.

Win Today!

Victor